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Spinning Top

Photo copyright: S
Photo copyright: Shaktiki Sharma

Looking out of the window Benjamin glazed longingly as his friends descending the twisting slide. He saw anxiety as they stepped out at the top and their joy as they shot out on coconut mats at the bottom of the helter-shelter. He saw Millie riding the galloping horses on the carousel and Tabatha and Malcom on the big wheel.

He saw himself flying though the air on a swinging chair ride, or avoiding being unseated on the dodgems. Yet he understood why his mother said no. His brittle bones meant she sometimes said no, for even spinning a top had risks for him.

Michael Humphris.

This Post Has 34 Comments
    1. Thank you Rochelle for your supportive comment.

      At the present time I am not to happy with the content of my flash fiction: and even less so when it comes to commenting on other writers stories, so for the present I am holding off commenting, so I admire all the more your feedback to me and all the other writers. Mike

  1. That’s really sad Michael. The last line really hits home. Just wonder if there’s a couple of typos in the first line. Should it be gazed and at instead of as? I don’t know why you’d be unhappy with your FF content, this was masterfully done.

    1. Thank you Micheal, on all counts. I think that with this piece of writing I felt another under-current [story] which I just could not get at. So frustration set in as I completed the Spinning Top. Then again perhaps I just had had to much Christmas Pudding.

  2. The sad acceptance of his situation really touched me. A life lived watching others enjoying themselves when you can’t participate must be very difficult, but he accepts his lot by using his imagination. Very well written. Like Michael, I don’t understand why you are unhappy with your FF contributions, but I think we are all our own worst critics. I always see ways to improve mine after they have been posted!

    1. Thank you Clare. Why I felt discontent I am not totally sure, but I think that there was and is another story trying to surface, I could feel it – but could not get it on to the page. I do also agree that we often are our own worst critics.

  3. Don’t be unhappy with your flash fiction! This is a delightful piece, full of heart ache and longing as well as witnessed fun. I really enjoyed it! Keep up the wonderful work!

  4. A very sad take on the prompt. On a different note, I don’t know whether it’s just me, but your link seems to take forever to load up – I usually have two or three attempts before I get to your page.

    1. Hi Liz. Any major illness in a child, I find is very difficult to write about. Four days ago I sent the whole day at my club teaching children to handle a model railway. Spinning Top came out of this.

  5. Poor kid. It never gets any better, does it? Very well-written and heartfelt piece, Mike! Skillfully done.

    In addition to Sandra’s problem with the downloading, I notice the web isn’t secure. Everything OK?

  6. Well I had no trouble loading your blog, and you have no business worrying about your writing! This was a beautifully written piece. Don’t be shy about commenting on others if their stories touch you. We all love feedback. And, we all have those pieces that we think are not much but with feedback find out they are much more! I know. I feel it weekly! 😉
    Happy New Year!

  7. Awww …. children want to understand but it stills hurts. A nice story with sad overtones.
    Well done, Michael. Do keep writing. We all have our days of feeling like we could do better.
    Make 2017 the year to shed those layers of I can’t to I can. All the best,

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