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Something is Different

Photo copyright:
Photo copyright: J Hardy Carroll

Kaliq knew that he was closing the door of the factory for the very last time. He turned and looked at Jemelda, and the tears running down her cheeks. Don’t cry my love, it was fated to be so.  We will build a better bigger factory in the next world.

As the masked soldiers led them away Kaliq saw mountains encased in a overarching deep blue. Look Jemelda, our lord smiles for us.

Kaliq looked at the soldiers, one had the pale skin common to Northern Europeans. Did she understand Kaliq’s refusal to produce ammunition for her terrorist brethren.

 

Footnote: I expect to have limited access to the internet for a short period, so my replies to readers comments may be slow. But please comment, I am pleased to understand how my flash fiction comes over.

This Post Has 31 Comments
  1. When you have a life principle you stick to it, that’s integrity. A soldier pledges devotion to his own cause. That’s loyalty. I suspect the two often find themselves at odds.
    I doubt the soldier would consider why he won’t make their ammo. They tend to see things as, “You’re on our side or theirs.”

  2. I had to read it twice to get the full meaning. Please forgive me–I’m an English teacher 🙂 –I would like to say that appropriate punctuation would have cleared it up for me the first time through. Very challenging theme, for sure.

      1. I’m fully aware that the fine points of punctuation can be very difficult for a lot of people. One trick I offered my students was to read their writing aloud. Anywhere you naturally pause, there should be a period, or a comma. And any time people are speaking, there should be quotation marks. And now I’m removing my teacher hat. I really did enjoy your story 🙂

        1. You have just reminded me of my favourite teacher at Bradford university. Jane was shocked at the length of my sentences, saying that they were longer than most people paragraphs. In my early upbringing in rural Oxfordshire, the colloquial language was rather singsong, with many words joined together.

          Each village had a differing style. When the telephone arrived, the telephonist’s had quite a difficult time. It was only the coming of the BBC’s Queens English that changed the status quo. If I read aloud I even now hardly pause for breathe. [This homily had to have many surplus words and letter e’s removed.]

  3. You’ve written a moving story, Michael. It’s an abstract theme – you’re really saying that violence is a bad way of resolving political differences. However, you’ve made the two main characters people for whom we feel empathy, and even admiration, and made their fate the illustration of why violence is wrong. That’s good writing..

    1. Thank you Penny, you are I think right in how you saw the theme of my story. At the present time my writing can be rather philosophical. Although I realise that to really understate most situations one often needs to live within a environment. Being rural English by birth I find it almost impossible to put myself in some situations like the war in Syria.

  4. I feel this story is written from the perspective of countries such as Afghanistan or Iraq, and how they may perceive western ideals and judgement being forced upon them. And through war too. But I could be wrong in my interpretation of your story. Very moving tale, and I think you have captured Khaliq’s bravery in the face of his trials.

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