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The conversation

Photo copyright:
Photo copyright: J Hardy Carroll.

Why are we sitting here Julie, this revolving is doing my head in. I am 36 and my nerves are not good. Why did I accompany you to the fair.

Because you love me, like you love candy-floss. You know that you want me. I am proposing to you. I want you to leave Darren and be my partner. You will be really happy for the first time in your life. Together we will put together a chain of candy-floss stalls if you want: And I will promise no more spinning around.

‘What took you so long Michelle, Darren is history. Let’s fly.

Footnotes:

My apologies, upon receiving feedback about this story, I realise that there is a degree of ambiguity around who is talking to who. However I have left this story as posted: as a warning to myself, of how easy it is to make a mistake and cause confusion. So to use a footballing term, I have given myself a yellow card.

Candy-floss is also known as Cotton-candy.

However one comment I received has reminded me that when a story is being read, the reader may well see something totally different occouring within the story. Something totally different to how the author saw things.

This Post Has 50 Comments
    1. I have been advised that Darren wanted rid of the sugar, and so set the whole thing up. As my story this week was confusing, to use a footballing term, I have rightly recieved several yellow cards.

    1. Sorry Rochelle, I was having one of those days, or as is usual in my case, weeks… I half knew that for I had decided not to post the story; then I changed my mind. I should have listened to my first instinct, for it is a poorly drafted story. In answer to your second question, in the authors mind, it was a relationship that would lead to a lesbian relationship.

      I have just spent three days revising quite a lot of my flash fiction, I was horrified when I saw some of the grammar and spelling mistakes. I must try to do better.

  1. I know how frustrating it can be to realize the readers aren’t seeing what you thought you were conveying. But it happens to everyone — and we all deserve a yellow card once in a while!

    1. That is the value of feedback from the FF’s, it not only guides, but also I have found gives insights to elements of the stories that I as a writer may not have picked up on. Thank you Joy, no yellow card for you, as I like your Eneana writing

  2. Perhaps a yellow card but I think I got the reading on the first go although I reread to make sure that the two speakers were two females (where one male was expected) and I twigged a lesbian relationship was afoot. Darren can’t fight against two females.
    I agree with your comment above that each reader brings their own interpretation to the story and it may not be what the author wanted to impart. I have found that with a world wide audience this often happens because we don’t realise that something that is such common knowledge in our own country is unheard of in another. It brings a world awareness to the writer.

  3. Aside from the name confusion, this is a fulfilling tale of love triumphing in the end. I hope Julie and Michelle will be happy together. Michelle’s spinning makes total sense in relation to her age and potential change of relationship.

  4. Julie seems immature. It’s not that easy. I’d be careful there. She certainly doesn’t care about Darren. Good writing, Michael. You just need to think of how others will understand it. 🙂 — Suzanne

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