Unexpected Pain

Photo copyright: Jan Wayne Fields

Photo copyright: Jan Wayne Fields

Wilomeana was torn in two. Her best friend was dying, while she was happy. Wilomeana was about to marry the man she loved. About to go on honeymoon. To stand on top of a Ziggurat. Wilomeana watched Septimius as he worked on their itinerary.

The view was fabulous, she could imagine the Ziggurat as it once was, glowing in the night. It had been topped with a golden couch, with the sides of the monolithic structure painted in brilliant colours. She never heard Septimius as he shouted a warning. She was falling, she was about to join her friend.

Footnote: On hindsight I believe this story needed more honing, or words. See comment section for this story.

This Post Has 35 Comments

  1. neilmacdon

    I loved the idea of this. I think it needs more than 100 words to make it work

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Neil. I do agree with your comment.

  2. Moon

    So sad for her and him.

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Moon, I am not sure about this post, one hundred words was too tight for what I had planned to say.

  3. Sandra

    Very sad.

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Sandra, I am annoyed at myself for this post, I think it needed more than one hundred words. At present three characters have attempted to take over my writing. So I found myself killing one off. But perhaps she survived the fall. !

      1. Alicia Jamtaas

        I don’t know how many times I’ve posted a FF story, gone back and asked myself, “What the heck was I trying to say?” Don’t worry about it.

        1. Michael Humphris

          Me too; I guess thats one of the challenges of a flash fiction. Thank you Alicia.

  4. Jelli

    ouch, what a way to go. Great story.

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you, Wilomeana’s appearence in my writing was perhaps a bit to brief.

      1. Jelli

        Sometimes a short life has more power than a long one. 🙂

        1. Michael Humphris

          That can be so true.

  5. rochellewisoff

    Dear Michael,

    Her happiness was certainly short lived, wasn’t it? Nicely done.



    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you, Rochelle, Wilomeana’s appearance in my writing was perhaps to brief.

  6. Reena Saxena

    What was that? A punishment for ignoring her dying friend, or just the vagaries of fate?

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Reena. It was a pure accident, ancient brickwork crumbled. I saw Wilomeana as being supportive of her friend.

      1. pennygadd51

        Do you think if you had a clearer idea of what Wilomeana wanted to do, you could have made the plot tauter? As the story stands, there is no real tension between the needs of any of the characters and the action. Nice description of the ziggurat, though!

        1. Michael Humphris

          Hi Penny, I am not sure – With hindsight I should have taken more time to hone this story.

  7. granonine

    Was she suicidal? Or did she just slip and fall? I’m a bit confused here.

    1. Michael Humphris

      Hi granonine, sorry story was unclear; the edge of the Ziggurat had decayed, causing her to fall.

      1. granonine

        Thanks– really didn’t want her to choose suicide 🙂

  8. Miles Rost

    There has to be a lot more to this! Seriously! This would be a great 500 word story, if you can find your way into it! Well done!

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Miles, I do hope that I can develope this story more

  9. gahlearner

    Ouch. Poor Wilomeana. Septimius never ceases to surprise me, I didn’t think he was married. Either way, dead or not, W. sure made an entrance.

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you gahlearner, Septimius and his [cohorts?] have surprised me too. The next section of their story is already in my head, whilst another section waits to be delivered! But I must try and deliver other subjects.

  10. rgayer55

    Despite the sudden, unfinished end, you left us with plenty to think of and many possible conclusions.

    1. Michael Humphris

      I think perhaps unconsciously I wanted to write further about Wilomeana. I was therefore pleased to read your feedback.

  11. plaridel

    totally unexpected ending. very sad.

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Plaridel, I hope that I may redeem the situation at some point !

  12. yarnspinnerr

    Wilomeana and Septimus can take the story forward. Makes perfect sense to me.

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Yarnspinner. It also made sense to me, but a piece of FF called Recuperation intervened

  13. Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    It¨s very hard to create a new world and tell a story at the same time… loved the effort though

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you so much Bjorn, I do hope that I find the dedication to develope these characters and their world more.

  14. gravadee

    Lovely take on the prompt. I could totally picture this

    Click Here to see what Mrs. Dash Says

    1. Michael Humphris

      Thank you Gravadee. I hope to find the drive to develope these characters and their world more.

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