The coach balanced precariously on the edge of a ravine. Behind him children sighed, but no one panicked. He called for everyone to sit still. If only one child ran for the exit the coach would slide into oblivion. The van should have slowed down, but its driver had been in a hurry. John eased himself out of his seat, then motioned for the children nearest to him to move slowly to the back of the coach. One by one he guided the children through the rear escape hatch. It would be John who received flowers on Valentine’s Day.
Yesterday I wrote this story as it was Valentines Day. When I uploaded it to my computer it contained over two hundred words. Above is the slimmed down version – below is my first draft. Comments on both versions will be welcome.
Today was special John Steel knew that, but could not recall why. Tuesday the 14th of February it meant something to him. However this moment called for self control, the coach was balanced precariously on the edge of a huge crevice. Behind him fifty children sighed, but no one had panicked yet. John called out for everyone to sit still. It would only take one child to run for the exit and the coach would tip forward and slide into oblivion.
If only that flower delivery van had slowed down, there had been room enough for both vehicles, but no for some reason the stupid driver of the van had been in a hurry. Valentine’s Day that was it, he had forgotten to send Julie flowers. Slowly John eased himself out of the drivers seat, then motioned for the two children nearest to him to move slowly to the back of the coach. One by one he guided the children through the coaches rear escape hatch. At last the coach was empty. As John jumped out of the rear window the coach tipped forward. It was John who received the flowers that day, and for years to come on Valentine’s Day.