Jack in the Box
My hell hole, a solitary candle lit it’s straight jacket dimensions, every time the earth trembled I wondered if it would become my coffin. I picked my team, ex-game keepers and Fred.
We had found nothing. I was about to tell Fred to take out the enemy observer, when I felt the earth lift. Naked and thrown like a leaf, I was caressed by waves of pressure.
I have no idea how long I lay unconscious, or who removed me from the crater, or of my stay in a field hospital. Till the electric shock hit my brain. I survived ? …
In memory of Fred and so many others who saw action in the Great War.
This Post Has 29 Comments
These are scenes reminding me of Birdsong… the claustrophobic feeling of be a tunneler… and those that were left beneath.. chilling what a war can do.. chilling what war still do.
Dear Michael,
The Great War to end all wars. None of them did, did they? Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
We all seem to think of war and its causalities!
Very appropriate title!
Nicely titled, graphically told.
Thank you Sandra.
I have to say that since I have started with Friday Fictioneers, I have always enjoyed reading your take on the prompts.
Very vivid description of the horror. Did he survive, that is the question.
After a fashion maybe… Many in my family fought in the first world war. So I found myself when writing Jack in the Box thinking fondly of them.
Loved the question at the end..we never know what we could survive till we do. Great take on the prompt and thank you for sharing.
Thank you, I really appreciate the feed back, which makes Friday Fictioneers so rewarding. Plus I enjoy reading all the differing takes on each weeks prompts
Nicely told Michael. They went through so much and you captured an instance brilliantly.
Thank you Mick, I find hard to really imagine what they when through at times.
It’s one thing to survive, it’s another to truly live after such gruesome experiences.
Very vivid and well written.
Thank you very much for your feed back, I find that it helps me to keep writing. Thank you
You’re welcome.
The question mark at the end is very powerful. Survival can come at a terrible price. Well told
Thank you Siobhan. Your feed back is most welcome.
It seems historical fiction is the theme of the week for this photo. I love your take. The Great War was truly horrifying, and so many of the men that went through it would have questioned how they got out alive.
Thank you Melony. That war was indeed horrific if only for the numbers who were slaughtered. Barbed wire seems to go hand in hand with control. Mike
I love the first line. Even the bravest soldiers experience fear.
Thank you Josslyn, it is a great help to get feed back, and know that something is right. Mike
You’re welcome, Mike. 🙂
Thank you Josslyn, it is a great help to get feed back, and know that something is right. Mike
Killer last line! Powerfully told.
Thank you Dale, I am glad you commented. [Jack in the Box] was a cut down from well over six hundred words. I do have to work at leaving out unnecessary and flowery words.
I so hear you!!
The brutal terror of trench warfare. Excellent WWI flash fiction.
Your story is a good, descriptive snippet. I did need the afterword in order to place the action, however.
For me it’s a real challenge to get a story into a hundred words. Jack in the box was a cut down from a six hundred word original so far unused story for my asylum page